let me walk away
by eyeslikeashowroom
Summary: Rachel and Quinn aren't friends, so maybe what they're doing is more of an...enemies with benefits thing? But when Rachel starts asking for more and Quinn starts secretly wanting more, things get a whole lot more complicated. As if they weren't already.
1. Chapter 1

**Trying to ask myself why I'm starting a new fic when I have like 5 that are still in progress...oh well. I don't really have anyone beating down my door to continue them (not to sound bitter) so new fic time it is! Title from "Landlocked Blues" by Bright Eyes.**

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"Fuck, _Quinn_."

"You like that, huh Rach?" Rachel nods frantically, eyes rolling back at the way Quinn's working her over. She meets the thrusts of Quinn's finger with thrusts of her own hips. "Tell me, Rachel. Tell me."

It's obvious to Rachel that there's a part of Quinn that gets off on telling Rachel what to do and ultimately, being rather mean when she does. Rachel doesn't mind.

She's happy to indulge.

"Fuck your fingers are...I can't...I.."

"Aw, you're speechless aren't you?" Quinn mutters in a condescendingly sweet tone, upping the pace of her thrusts. She can tell Rachel is close. "Who would've thought anybody could render Miss Rachel Berry incapable of speech, huh? Guess I'm pretty damn special. Go ahead and tell me how special I am, Rachel. Tell me how nobody else can get you off like I can."

Rachel listens. She_ always_ fucking listens.

"No one could ever compare to you, Quinn, I...shit." Quinn sneers at Rachel's desperate mewling. "Can I...can I please..."

"Good job on asking. Usually you forget even that small little rule. Maybe you're not so incompetent after all."

Rachel wonders what she's getting from this. Quinn's undulating against her thigh and slamming three fingers deep inside her and husking demeaning things into her ear and everything just makes Rachel _that_ much wetter.

She comes with a rush of gasps and curse words and Quinn has that damn smirk on her face and-

And then Rachel ruins everything, as always.

"Baby." She freezes as the endearment falls from her mouth.

Shit. Shit. _Shit. _Maybe Quinn won't notice.

Quinn harshly pulls her fingers from Rachel's center and pushes her away and Rachel thinks _fuck_, because guess she did notice.

"You always have to fucking ruin this." Quinn removes herself from Rachel's bed and runs her fingers through her long, fair hair angrily. The fingers that _aren't_ dripping with Rachel. "I told you...I...Jesus."

"Quinn, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it._ Quinn_." Rachel's scrambling for explanations and forgiveness, sitting up and immediately covering her heaving, naked chest with a blanket. Quinn's chest is equally heaving but the difference is that she's clothed and Rachel is not.

That's always the way it is.

"Please stay."

"So you can _what_, Rachel, try and _cuddle_ with me again?" Quinn's voice is so disdainful and mocking that is breaks Rachel's heart. She'd never let the cheerleader know but that's one of the things she wants the most, even more than the sex they have; she just wants to be able to hold her.

Rachel hesitates. "No, no of course not. That's such a stupid thing to say Quinn, we don't cuddle-"

"Damn fucking_ right_ we don't," Quinn hisses, nodding in agreement. Her eyes are widened and almost frantic, and if Rachel didn't know any better she'd say the girl was frightened.

Rachel stares down at her hands folded in her lap and feels unexpectedly small. What's not unexpected however, is the feeling that she's so completely beneath Quinn. She should probably get used to this.

This is the worst part; Quinn's blatant denial when it comes to anything that resembles feelings, Quinn's unsubtle reminders that all Rachel is is a quick fuck and that's all she'll ever be. Rachel closes her eyes tightly before she looks back up, pain completely concealed.

She's always been, if nothing else, a superb actress.

"Listen to me, Berry." The voice has that HBIC tone fixed firmly in place and Rachel would be lying if she said it didn't make her throb.

Quinn leans over the bed, harsh eyes level with Rachel's and faces inches apart. "You know what this is to me, to us. And we're keeping it this way. Got it?"

Rachel swallows and nods, watching as Quinn turns to leave, perfectly curled ponytail bouncing. The blonde stops and then turns and glances at Rachel. Her eyes are still cold but they soften just a little, and once again Rachel foolishly believes there's hope.

"I'll...see you at school."

Rachel half smiles and watches Quinn leave, just like all the other times.

She starts wondering when she became reduced to this, to an insecure little girl who lets Quinn Fabray bully her both inside and outside the bedroom and likes her for it.

To a hopeless girl that thinks about said Quinn Fabray every second of every day and wishes that someday, this won't be such a shameful, dirty secret.

The ringing of her phone pierces through the silence and she glances at the display, sighing before answering.

"Hey."

"Hey baby. Can we talk?"

Rachel closes her eyes. _No_.

"Sure, Finn."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Can't really decide if I like this chapter but whatevvvva. I'm not really a fan of Finchel but in no way am I trying to make Finn look like the bad guy in this fic. This is the fastest I have ever updated a story but I can't promise it will happen this quickly again lol. You guys should go follow the new tumblr i made and ask me questions and stuff it's "fab-berry" :)**

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Rachel's just finished getting dressed and straightening up her bed when she hears the doorbell ring. She schools her face into a pleasant smile before skipping downstairs to let Finn in.

"Hi," she says sweetly, internally sighing as her boyfriend smiles that dopey smile and has to basically bend himself in half to kiss her. She can't help but think how Quinn is the perfect height and-

_Focus, Rachel._

"Where are your dads?" asks Finn as they make their way to the living room and sit on the couch, thighs touching and arms brushing against each other.

"They went out for dinner," Rachel tells him. She hopes to God Finn won't try anything; he'd been getting more and more persistent and had made it clear to Rachel that at this stage in their 4 month relationship, it was about time she let him "get a little action".

It's details like this that makes her feel not quite as bad about the fact that she's cheating on him.

She clears her throat. "So...you wanted to talk."

Finn shrugs and leans back, tugging her by the shoulder so that she's leaning back against him. She gives in to the urge telling her to snuggle against him. He isn't who she wants, but he's so much better than who she _does_.

And it's not his fault she wants someone else. Fuck, she needs to remember that.

"I just missed you, Rach. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

She swallows guiltily. It'd been about a week since they'd seen each other outside of school, which was long for them. For the duration of said week, Rachel's after school activities had primarily concerned being fucked by one certain blonde.

"I'm sorry Finn. I've been so busy with dance lessons."

The lies flow easily. Always have.

"It's okay." His voice is soft and reassuring. He presses a kiss to her forehead and then uses his hand to tilt her head upwards so their lips can join. His kissing is sloppy and unguided as usual, but she just can't appreciate it anymore (if she ever did). Not now that she knows what else is out there.

She resigns herself to making out with him for about five minutes. When Finn's hand brushes against her boob, she inhales but doesn't say anything. He grasps at it and she still remains silent. God, she doesn't want this.

"Maybe tonight we could-"

"Finn, no." The question has been asked multiple times. Her answer is always the same.

He breaks away and rubs the back of his neck as he sighs. "Rachel we've been dating for 4 months. _4 months._ Everyone else's girlfriends-"

Rachel pushes herself off the couch and ignores the sickening feeling in her stomach. She's never fucking_ enough_. "I'm not everyone else's girlfriend." She's either too invested or not invested enough; she wants to give too much to Quinn and not enough to Finn. She abruptly feels tears dotting her cheeks and is immediately ashamed of showing weakness.

"Hey. Hey, Rach I'm sorry. Don't cry." Finn comes to her and wraps her in his arms, letting her bury her head in his chest. "You're right. I'm sorry for pressuring you again, I...sometimes I just think with my dick and...I'm sorry babe."

She nods and lets Finn lead her back to the couch and they snuggle and watch a movie that they find on TV. Rachel doesn't really pay attention to the movie; it's an action film, and that's not her style but it is Finn's, so she lets him watch it while she sits there and thinks. She wishes this felt right. It's convenient, and Finn is a nice enough guy when he's not trying to have sex with her.

Finn lets out a cry of excitement and Rachel glances at the TV, just to see someone killing someone and blood splattering everywhere. _So_ not her style.

Finally it's a commercial and Finn is able to tear his attention away from the TV and focus it on his girlfriend. "Hey, so what are you doing after school tomorrow? We could hang out, go grab dinner or something and see a movie. Whatever you want."

His voice is gentle, and Rachel can tell he still feels bad about the pressuring thing. "That sounds lovely, Finn. Maybe you could drive me to school tomorrow, and that way we could just leave together afterwards?"

Finn nods and smiles as her, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. She can't help but smile as the movie comes back on and he devotedly turns to watch it. He's cute and somewhat sweet and she _wants_ to love him.

She feels her phone vibrate in the front pocket of her jeans and she slips it out, wearily eyeing the display. If she's being honest, she has few people that text her, mostly Finn. And Quinn, but only when she either wants to insult her or is looking for a booty call.

Apparently, right now is one of those times. Rachel opens the message, glancing up to make sure Finn's attention is still not focused on her.

**Quinn:**_ I'm already missing that mouth of yours. Tomorrow, after school. Normal time._

Rachel swallows and slowly types out her response.

**Rachel:** _I have plans with Finn tomorrow._

It takes several minutes for Quinn to respond.

**Quinn:** _I don't know what you see in that idiot. Cancel the plans._

If Rachel didn't know better, she'd think Quinn was jealous. But this is Quinn Fabray. She does not get jealous over something as pathetic as Rachel Berry.

**Rachel:** _I can't do that Quinn._ But she doesn't want to disappointing the blonde, or make her angry...and she misses Quinn's mouth too...She sends another message immediately after the first.

**Rachel: **_Maybe afterwards?_

**Quinn: **_If you want to prolong this and make me wait, that's your decision. You know the consequences._

Quinn hates it when Rachel makes her wait, and the few times it has happened, their sex following was...different. Quinn was rougher, fucking her like she wanted her to learn a lesson, like she wanted to remind her that Quinn Fabray was always put first. The insults were harsher and more abundant. Rachel supposes these times are meant to be punishments. To her, they're even better than normal sex with Quinn.

_God_, she's fucked up.

**Rachel**: _I don't mean to make you wait...if I had known that you would want me I would have left myself available, you know that. You can come over after Finn and I's plans...if that's okay._

She doesn't know what's wrong with herself. She freaks out when Finn even hints about wanting to have sex with her, but she's so pathetically desperate to please Quinn. She'd do anything for the blonde, and they both know it. For the life of her, Rachel can't figure out why she feels this way. Why derogatory comments from her enemy are worth more to her than declarations of love from her boyfriend. Why Quinn's scratches and bites make her feel more special than Finn's hugs and kisses.

The contrasts between her feelings towards Quinn and her feelings towards Finn are startling and completely unhealthy.

**Quinn:** _Whatever you want, princess. I'll be over at 8:30. Be ready for me at that time or else, Rachel._

She knows the affectionate term is being used sarcastically. Quinn never uses terms of endearment when referring to her unless she's mocking.

**Rachel**: _I'm sorry._

**Quinn:** _You will be :) goodnight._

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**A/N: Might try and write a flashback for next chapter, showing how they got to this point in their "relationship". Or jealous sex with possessive Quinn. What do you guys think? ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sooo the majority of you picked sex over flashback, you horndogs. I was going to include both but it would have been way too long so sex it is. And not a super long sex scene because that would be too long as well. Don't worry, lots of sex to cum. (hehe). Flashback soon. I tried to reply to everyone's reviews but most were guests/had their PMs turned off, so thanks to everyone. And for those people that want Quinn to stop being an ass, I feel ya. Maybe a tiny bit of progress in this chapter, but it'll probably be a one step forward, two steps back kinda thing for a while. Sorry, I love me some angst. :) Enjoy and review! Oh and just a heads up, I'll probably be changing my pen name soon. I made this when I was like 14 and I really hate it.**

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Rachel subconsciously avoids Quinn all day at school. She doesn't even realize it until Finn asks her why she keeps abruptly turning pale and ducking around corners or hiding behind lockers and other students. She shrugs and doesn't quite know what to say, but he pulls her into a kiss and obviously doesn't really care what she has to say anyway.

She feels someone's gaze on her and why Finn keeps sloppily attempting to kiss her she slightly opens her eyes and they're immediately locked with Quinn's, who's maybe 10 feet away from them and standing at her locker. The blonde raises _that_ eyebrow and smirks before turning around, shutting her locker, and striding in the opposite direction.

Fuck, Rachel knows she'll pay for this.

Annnnd now she's staring at Quinn's ass.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Finn apparently had noticed her lack of enthusiasm and involvement and she curses herself for losing her cover.

"Nothing. Sorry." she smiles sweetly and backs away, awkwardly patting him on the shoulder. As much as she loves attention, she's not one for copious amounts of PDA. But he leans back in anyway and she would be lying if she said she wasn't trying to pretend he was Quinn.

The movies and dinner are _whatever. _It's not bad but it's just boring, something they always do. They hold hands throughout the whole movie and Rachel feels a rush of affection for the boy. She really needs to make up her mind; is she unhappy with Finn, or isn't she? Being with him is like settling, but Rachel's smart enough to know that most people in life settle. But she's also foolish enough to believe that maybe, eventually, she won't have to settle anymore. She doesn't want to lead Finn on, but she's not sure how far being _content_ will take her, will take their relationship. She's surprised he hasn't noticed anything yet; she knows she's physically and mentally been pulling away, although at first it was subconsciously.

She knows she's doing it now though, and she also knows what the cause is. If she cut off this thing she has going on with Quinn, it would be a whole hell of a lot easier to reconnect with Finn. She needs to tell Quinn that she's done with this.

She can't. And won't.

She's silent the whole way home, sitting in Finn's car and just staring out the window blankly. She feels his large hand on her knee and her brain is urging her to react, to put her hand on top of his, to do _something_, but she doesn't. The only thing she does is check her phone, keeping an eye on the time and on her messages.

She needs to be ready for Quinn on time.

Finn invites himself in and Rachel hides her dejection. She needs some time alone with her thoughts.

It's the way it always is. Her dads are at work, her and Finn make out on the couch, Finn asks for sex, she says no, he pouts, and they kiss some more. She lets him go under her shirt _and _bra this time though, and she also lets him suck at her neck and leave marks. She's always gotten mad at him when he tried to give her hickies, thinking they were tacky and dumb. She didn't need other people seeing the evidence of what she and Finn had been up to.

Her eyes find the clock on the wall as she sits there and pretends to be into this. It's 8:10. _20 minutes, 20 minutes, shit shit shit_.

"Hey, hey. Um, my dads will be here soon." She's not lying, they_ will _be here soon...in about two hours or so... "So you should probably..."

"Oh, yeah. Right." If Finn was smart, he'd probably remember that every other week night he'd been with Rachel, her fathers didn't come home until 10-ish. But as it was, he's not the most observant person, so he heaves himself off the couch and bends to kiss her cheek. "I should probably get outta here." He shrugs and offers her a lazy smile. "Homework, ya know."

She nods and smiles, letting him see himself out before she flops back against the couch and covers her face with her hands. She's unexpectedly eager for Quinn to get there but at the same time, she's not. She almost wants to sulk at her indecision.

After about ten minutes of almost sulking her phone buzzes from its place on the coffee table. She tries to get rid of her nerves and reaches over to read the message.

Q**uinn:** on my way. is finn gone

**Rachel: **maybe

**Quinn: **Rachel.

Quinn doesn't appreciate it when Rachel acts difficult.

**Rachel: **Sorry, yes Finn is gone. Are you almost here? Wait, please don't text and drive.

She doesn't receive a text back and she assumes the worse, but the doorbell rings before her mind can travel too far with the horrific thoughts. She drops her phone back onto the table and skips to the door, wrenching it open. Quinn is standing there with a smirk, wearing the simplest outfit of tight jeans and a hoodie but goddamn if she's not the hottest thing Rachel's ever seen. Her hair looks damp like she's just gotten out of the shower and all Rachel wants to do is run her fingers through it but the rule is generally don't touch until Quinn tells her to.

Quinn doesn't wait all but a couple seconds before she's coming in, shutting the door behind her and advancing on Rachel, taking the brunette by the back of her neck and tugging her so that their noses brush. With anybody else it would be an intimate gesture, but Quinn's eyes are hard and cold and Rachel can tell that she's in for it tonight

"Have fun on your date?" Quinn murmurs after a moment, even though they both know she doesn't care. She completely bypasses pressing her lips to Rachel's and instead starts directly on the brunette's neck. She licks a wet trail from Rachel's jaw to her pulse point, nipping there slightly and grunting in satisfaction when Rachel lets out a whimper. Rachel begins to speak and Quinn pulls back, bringing both hands to Rachel's neck and fingering the two fresh hickies left from Finn not even half an hour ago.

"It was...okay."

"Just okay?" Quinn sneers, and her eyes turn almost angry as she eyes the love bites. "That's all you can expect from someone like Finn, Rachel. You're so fucking stupid for thinking that he's enough for you."

In a rare act of protest, Rachel shoves Quinn away and advances towards her, pinning the blonde to the front door by her wrists. "And who _is_ enough for me, huh Quinn? _You_?"

Quinn's eyes drop from Rachel's for the quickest second before they return, fiery. She used her strength and height to overpower Rachel and spin them around, changing positions. She bites at Rachel's neck immediately, and without even thinking the other girl tilts her head for easy access. "Don't you ever try to take control like that again, you hear me?"

Rachel refuses to answer until Quinn suddenly slides a pale hand down her body and cups her center through her skirt, pressing into her harshly.

"Yes, Quinn," Rachel sighs.

"Good girl." Quinn pulls away and gives Rachel a little shove on her shoulder, and it almost feels affectionate. "Let's go to your room. I don't want to take you against the door. Not right now."

Rachel doesn't question Quinn's words, just reaches around the blonde to lock the front door before leading the way to her bedroom. Quinn shuts and locks the bedroom door which Rachel doesn't understand because the blonde knows Rachel's dads won't be home until a lot later. Unlike Finn, Quinn _is_ observant. But nonetheless, Rachel enjoys the privacy of a closed door even if her parents aren't home.

Quinn wordlessly points to the bed and Rachel, as always, follows her instructions and goes lie back against her pillows. It's weird, how different she treats Quinn and Finn when it comes to this; she won't even allow Finn into her bedroom at this point because she doesn't want him to try anything. Quinn is a regular here. Going to the blonde's house is out of the question because of her nosy and judgmental parents, so most of their encounters end up being in Rachel's bedroom.

Quinn tugs off her sweatshirt and reveals the skin tight tank top she's wearing underneath, and Rachel can see a sliver of her bare stomach and _God_. There had been a couple times, in the beginning, when she had seen Quinn naked. But lately, the blonde was adamant about keeping as many clothes on as possible. So Rachel's surprised when she takes the hoodie off, and doubly surprised when Quinn reaches down and pops the button on her jeans. Her eyes must look like saucers (they feel like ones, anyway), because Quinn stares at her quietly for a minute with dark eyes before she licks her lips. "You wanna do it?"

Rachel nods frantically and then she's scrambling to stand next to Quinn at the edge of the bed. It's rare that she ever gets to touch Quinn anymore, almost like the blonde thinks Rachel not touching her makes it easier to ignore or dismiss the things they're doing.

She kneels before Quinn and slides the jeans down slim hips, boldly leaning up and pressing a light kiss to the exposed part of Quinn's stomach. Quinn runs a thumb against one of Rachel's hickies before once again ordering her to the bed as she steps out of her jeans. The way she crawls up the bed and Rachel's body until their breasts press against each other is downright sinful.

They lock eyes for a long moment and it's probably the longest they've ever made direct eye contact before Quinn breaks away of says something demeaning. The blonde opens her mouth and Rachel braces herself.

It's even more time before Quinn speaks. "I don't like that he's marking you." Her voice is honest and her eyes trace the bruises on Rachel's neck before sliding back up to the chocolate irises.

Rachel's not quite sure what to say. She absently slides a finger down Quinn's side and sighs as the other girl presses her body into hers. "I...I don't like it either," she replies truthfully. "But he's my boyfriend, Quinn."

Quinn nods and hesitates before bringing her lips to Rachel's, kissing her slowly. Rachel opens her mouth and Quinn's tongue slides in, lazily battling with Rachel's. They never really make out anymore and she doesn't want this to end.

But it does after a minute or two, and then Quinn's presses a chaste kiss to her lips before leaning down to pepper the brunette's neck with kisses, and then licking at her neck and biting, making sure to leave marks that are probably far more impressive then Finn's. Rachel curls her fingers in the blonde's tresses and arches her body up with pleasure. A hand teasingly glides down down _down_ Rachel's body, slipping under her shirt and teasing at her belly button before sliding up to cup her breast. Quinn unlatches her mouth from where it had been teasing Rachel's collarbone and pushes herself off the other girl. "Off." She tugs at Rachel's blouse.

Rachel sits up and tugs off her shirt and bra, while Quinn straddles her waist and rocks into her sharply before pushing her down again. Warmth immediately envelops her nipple and Quinn uses her fingers to pinch the nipple that isn't currently being occupied by her mouth. The way she's touching Rachel seems almost like appreciation.

"Fuck, you're so hot," Quinn murmurs before trailing open mouthed kisses down Rachel's stomach and sliding down the brunette's body. She flips up her skirt and presses her fingers against Rachel's opening lightly through her panties, and Rachel knows she's already embarrassingly wet.

"Mmmm." Quinn rubs at her core with more force and hungry, dark eyes sharply glance up at Rachel's deep intakes of breath. "You want me, Rachel? Does Finn do this for you? Huh?"

Rachel shudders, chest heaving. "N-no." The dirty talking always gets her, and Quinn is just getting started.

Quinn rips Rachel's skirt down her legs, swiftly taking her panties with it and leaving the girl completely bare and spread underneath her. She runs a finger slowly up her slit and watches with a smirk as Rachel's body twists upwards in desire. "Does he get you wet, Rach? Or is this for me?'

Quinn slips a finger into Rachel's tight heat before sliding it back out almost immediately. "You. Only you, Q-Quinn," she chokes out.

"I want it to stay like that," the blonde says in a voice ringing with authority. "I don't want him touching you like this. Just the thought of it makes me sick." She growls lowly and plunges two fingers into Rachel without warning, and the smaller girl cries out loudly and bucks her hips, nodding her head wildly in agreement.

"You're _mine_," Quinn hisses, swiping her tongue through Rachel's moist heat before attaching her lips to the girl's clit and increasing the speed of her fingers. "Say it, Rachel. You're mine. Tell me. No one gets you off like I can."

An animalistic sound bubbles up from deep inside Rachel's throat and she lets out the longest groan both of them have ever heard as Quinn bites at her clit. "_Jesus_. I'm _yours_, Quinn."

Rachel is abruptly stretched as Quinn slips in a third finger, the most Rachel's ever taken, and even then only on a good day. Her limit is usually two. The blonde ceases her licks at Rachel's center and crawls up her body so that she can nuzzle into the girl's neck, pinning one of Rachel's legs down with her own so that the brunette can't clench them together. Rachel's eyes squeeze shut and she blindly reaches for Quinn's hair, tugging her so their lips can meet. She lets out a whine. "Please don't stop."

"I don't want Finn to have you," Quinn bites out, aggressively forcing her tongue into Rachel's soft mouth and using her free hand to tightly grip a breast. She gently and unconsciously undulates her lower body against Rachel's as she gets more and more turned on by seeing the girl begin to unravel. "He can't have you like this." It's not a question or a plea it's an _order_, and Rachel _gushes_. "Fucking _tell me_, you little slut."

The derogatory term pushes her towards the edge and Quinn's bites to her throat and thumb against her clit tip her over. She cums with a rush of heat and a string of curse words, turning her head so their lips press together and moaning deeply into Quinn's mouth. She knows she's sweaty and gross and exactly the slut Quinn called her, but the way the blonde looks at her makes her feel differently. She's never seen this look in Quinn's eyes before, or maybe she has, but more of a subdued version. She desperately wants to cuddle into the blonde but knows she'll just get yelled at. Her heart aches.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore." The words slip out and her eyes widen, frightened. She doesn't want to set Quinn off, not right now.

Quinn tugs at her lower lip with an even row of teeth before closing her eyes and pressing her forehead against Rachel's collarbone, their chests heaving against each other as they try to even out their breaths.

Quinn's voice is soft and quiet, resigned. Hurt. "I know."

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***bats eyelashes* review? :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Just an FYI, they're seniors in this story. Flashback is during junior year. The whole Beth thing is not included in this story. It's a mixture of AU and canon I guess, I think it's pretty self-explainable but if you have questions just ask. I could include more flashbacks later in the story if you guys are interested. sorry for any mistakes, I wanted to get this up before bed. about this chapter...yay for one step forward and two steps back, like I warned about before. gosh darn that Quinn. ;)**

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Rachel's _so_ close to sliding out of the door on her way to school the next morning without being detected until she hears the clearing of a throat. Looking up, her eyes lock with her daddy's over his morning paper and she stops in her tracks, shifting awkwardly and hoping her hickies are suitably covered with makeup.

"Hi daddy."

"Hey baby girl." He stands up and gathers her in a warm hug. "I'm sorry your father and I haven't been around very much lately, work's been a pain." He pulls away and smiles at her apologetically. "I needed to talk to you about something real quick, though."

And now the grin has vanished.

"Your teacher, Mr. Schuester is it? He called and said you've seemed a little...distant in glee club, nothing like your usual self. Is everything okay, sweetie? Is it that boy, Finn? Are you getting bullied again? You can always talk to us, Rachel."

She hesitates for a long second, almost in shock that she's been acting so out of it that Mr. Schue had noticed and she hadn't. It had nothing to do with bullying; slushies hadn't been thrown at her so far at all this year, hadn't been since a couple months after her and Quinn started this _thing_.

"I'm great Daddy," she says convincingly. "It's not bullying or Finn. Speaking of him, I usually meet him early at school so we can spend time together so I should probably-" she gestures towards the door and her dad nods, letting her go after he's sure she's not lying.

She is. She's not okay.

Rachel meets Finn at her locker and half listens to him tell her about some new video game he had been playing last night, nodding her head in all the right places. He mentions that he has to go to his own locker before pecking her on the cheek and ambling further down the hall. Rachel turns to her locker before she feels eyes on her, twisting slightly to look over her shoulder.

She glances over to see Quinn and Santana huddled in a corner, staring at her and snickering. She's immediately flashed back to last year, and she feels the anxiety flood her senses. She tugs insecurely on her owl sweater.

They turn and walk towards her, causing her to subtly press against the lockers as they pass.

"Looking good, Manhands," hisses Santana, smirking as she stalks past. "Oh wait, I lied."

Rachel's eyes immediately slip past Santana and look to Quinn, who had left abruptly and quickly last night after Rachel's admission. It slips out before she can stop it. "Quinn...I...can we talk?"

Quinn stiffens and stops but doesn't turn around, and Santana glances between the two of them curiously and Rachel thinks _fuck_.

Santana is about to ask the obvious question of _what is the midget talking about_ before Quinn hisses something to the Latina.

Rachel knows she's done something wrong.

Quinn barely glances at her before the two are gone. And _that_ hurts worst of all.

The name "Manhands" immediately makes her think back to how this arrangement with Quinn began, how it started with insults from the two cheerleaders and is possibly going to end with them, too.

_"Hey, Berry." _

_Rachel immediately flinches at the voice of Santana, her second biggest threat since both Quinn and Santana had made Rachel a target last year, while they were sophomores. She spins away from her locker and comes face to face with the cheerleader, reflexively taking a step back and rapidly assessing the situation as she looks for slushies._

_Santana's eyes narrow and she steps towards Rachel. "Q and I were wondering if you wanted to go to Puck's party with us tonight."_

_Rachel stares at the girl for the longest moment before she truly absorbs Santana's words. "Why would I go to party with _you_?" She backtracks, seeing Santana open her mouth, offended. "I mean, I mean...why would _you _go to a party with _me_?" Rachel's not stupid. She knows she's a loser, she knows she's completely at the bottom of the social pyramid that's been constructed at McKinley. She can imagine it's not good for Santana's reputation to be seen conversing with her, much less attending a party with her. Santana's not dumb enough to risk something like that; Rachel knows there's another motive. Around here, nobody just likes her to like her._

_Santana sighs and crosses her arms, staring down at the ground almost petulantly. "Look, Finn has been going on and on about how if you're not going he doesn't want to come." Rachel perks up at the sound of the new male lead in Glee club, who's paying just enough attention to her lately to have her interested. Boys never pay attention to her. "I'm not really sure why he cares," Santana drawls on, "because it's not like he ever wants to claim your little dwarf ass in public." Annnd perkiness deflated. "But if he doesn't come, then Puck will be kind of pissed since that's his bro, and then that affects my chances of getting some and listen Berry, you do not want to mess with my chances of getting some, got it?" _

_Her voice had turned into a threatening sort of growl that made Rachel subconsciously want to cower. She forces herself to stay standing up and not cave under the brunette's glare. _

_"Playing nice, San?" _

_Rachel almost squeaks when she glances to her left and sees Quinn Fabray leaning against the locker next to her, peering at the two curiously. That girl's like a fucking ninja._

_Quinn eyes flicker to Rachel and then to Santana and then back again before she stands to her full height, stepping closer. Rachel's close to panicking because they're both so close and she doesn't know what this is about._

_"Finn wouldn't be happy if you scared her," Quinn says almost mockingly, and Rachel's abruptly afraid that Quinn's going to punch her or at least verbally attack her. She doesn't know how much history Quinn and Finn have, or when they stopped dating, or if they ever started, or what. All she knows is that they were somehow connected and Quinn is possessive and when Finn joined glee club to be opposite Rachel, the blonde ordered slushies to be thrown at the diva two times a day for three weeks._

_"So, are you coming to the party, Rachel?" It's one of the first times Quinn has called her by her actual name. She stares into hazel eyes and tries to see if she'll regret it if she says yes. She's always wanted to get invited to an actual party, but she's got a bad feeling._

_Quinn has that husky kind of voice that just makes you want to listen and do what she says, and Rachel finds herself stuttering as the blonde raises a perfectly arched eyebrow._

_"I...I..."_

_"So we'll pick you up at 8?" Quinn interrupts, looking bored now. "You can stay the night at my house if you, ya know get too wasted." She smirks and leans forward. "My parents will be too busy drinking themselves to notice if we have been. Sound good? Great." She jerks her head down the hall, hinting to Santana that they should get going._

_"We're only bringing you because Finn wants you there, midget! Don't forget that!" Santana calls down the hall, and Rachel hears Quinn giggle. She watches then stride away from her, cheerleading skirts swishing. _

_Later that night, Rachel discovers that parties are not particularly fun when you don't have any friends there. They're also doubly not fun when a large boy names Finn keeps trying to paw at you and won't leave you alone no matter how many times you tell him to._

_Santana has acknowledged her a total of about five times in the three hours they've been here, which Rachel considers a success. Every time though, it's to shove a couple drinks at her._

_Rachel drinks them. Don't ask her why. She throws them back and they burn her throat and she almost gags, but at least when she's drinking she doesn't have to talk to Finn. Santana saunters over again and hands her another one, smirking when she notices Rachel's eyes trail across the living room to the other couch. The couch where Quinn Fabray is grinding against and making out with a football player._

"_Tequila makes her horny," grins Santana before she leaves._

_Finn grasps at her breast and she's way too dizzy and tongue tied to stop him this time, but she tries, pitifully slurring words like don't, stop, no, what are you doing. _

_She hears Quinn's voice suddenly above her. The blonde is standing there with her hands on her hips and glaring at Finn. She rolls her eyes. Her voice isn't as rambly and drunk as Rachel's. God she's pretty. "Jesus. Leave her alone Finn. She's out of it."_

_Finn doesn't listen and Quinn's tugging her up, heading for the door. "This party sucks anyway," she mutters. "San! I'm taking Berry and we're leaving. Finnept is being a douche and if I have to see him grope Treasure Trail one more time I'm gonna vomit."_

_Quinn lives like right down the street so they walk there, her having to basically drag Rachel down the sidewalk. Rachel doesn't really know what's up or down or left or right but soon she's inside a house, and then on top of a bed. _

"_Take your clothes off, Berry. You spilled vodka on your pants and I don't need that shit on my bed."_

_Rachel attempts to protest. Loudly. "No! Make fun ah me…"_

"_Shut up!" Quinn hisses, leaning down and dragging Rachel's jeans off herself. "I'm not going to make fun of you. There. We're going to bed, okay? Get under the convers."_

_Quinn's bed is big but once the blonde gets settled they end up pressed right against each other. Rachel glances up and their eyes lock, and she momentarily feels clarity._

"_Thanks for….for...thanks…taking care me…" _

"_Don't mention it," answers Quinn, her voice softer than Rachel's ever heard it. They lay in silence for a minute until Quinn sighs. "My…my first time drinking, was a disaster. I puked so many times and a boy tried to take advantage of me and I didn't have anyone there for me. I felt like shit afterwards. I don't want you to feel like that. Okay?"_

_Rachel nods, eyes wide. "But that's funny, cuz…cuz…you're always so mean at school…like to me, like…so…you're like the one that makes me feel like shit but now you're not so, that's funny. Right? That's funny, right Quinn?" Her voice is completely innocent and confused._

_Quinn eyes her for a long time. "I'm sorry."_

_Their faces are so close that their eyelashes almost brush and Rachel hazily reaches forward to tug Quinn closer by her hair. Their noses brush and Rachel strains forward and kisses Quinn for the briefest of seconds. The silence afterwards is deafening, until they both surge forward and stop thinking and Rachel's trembling, and Quinn's aggressive, like she's angry, and Rachel finds out that Quinn really is a horny drunk because they eventually do something akin to dry humping._

_In the morning it's awkward, because no matter how gone Rachel was last night she _remembers_, and they walk back to Pucks to get Quinn's car immediately so the blonde can drive her home. _

_At school, there are no more slushies. And Quinn gets her number and they're not _friends_, but there's texting and then flirting and then secret meetings. Rachel can see the disaster coming from a mile away. She ignores it._

Rachel doesn't realize she's standing in the middle of the hallway until she hears Finn calling out to her and she turns, only to be hit with a brick wall of ice. Bright red slushy slides down her face and into her eyes and drips onto her sweater and her _fucking_ skirt and then she flinches and cries out as she's hit again from the back and then once on each side. She does her best wiping the liquid from her burning eyes and is vaguely aware of Finn trying to help before she shrugs him off. She looks up, ignoring the four football jocks on each side of her with empty cups, ignoring all the students in the hallway laughing or cringing, ignoring Brittany and Santana and the Cheerios and zeroing right in on _her_.

Quinn's eyes connect with hers as she approaches and they're angry and annoyed and determined and _frightened_. It's hidden well but it's there, _God_, it's so easy for Rachel to see. She _knows _those eyes.

They say that Quinn wants Rachel to stay away from her forever. They say things that aren't true but that Rachel wishes were. Maybe if Quinn _wanted_ her to leave, she could.

Quinn leans forward when she reaches Rachel and growls words she doesn't mean.

"I fucking _hate_ you."


	5. Chapter 5

It takes a lot of work for Rachel to take herself to the nearest girl's restroom doused in slushy and still keep her pride intact.

But she's done it countless other times; she sure as hell won't let them see her cry now.

She busts into the bathroom, barely taking notice of the two girls that are washing their hands and take one look at her before they scurry out. She places both her hands on the counter top, blinking furiously to try and get the slushy out. She's breathing hard and begging her tears not to escape; she's too fucking _good _for this.

She hears the bathroom door swing open and panics when she sees a flash of a white and red cheerleading uniform and blonde hair.

It's only Brittany.

Rachel's relationship with Brittany is...confusing. The tall girl is clearly not her friend; she doesn't say hi to Rachel in the hallways and when Rachel fights for solos in Glee, Brittany makes comments just like everyone else. But unlike everyone else, she's never been outright mean. While Santana and Quinn throw slushies or have them thrown, Brittany stands behind with her mouth in a small frown and her eyes sad. Rachel isn't sure if it's because Brittany actually feels bad, or if it's just that the Cheerio doesn't like any type of violence. Either way, it's better than nothing.

Rachel doesn't quite trust her though.

"I'm really sorry that just happened to you, Rach," Brittany tells her as their eyes lock in the mirror. She goes to get a paper towel, attempting to aid Rachel in the removal of the offensive liquid from her eyes. "I really don't understand why Quinn does this stuff. Well actually I do but like still, ya know?"

Rachel is confused, staring at the blonde as she retrieves more paper towels. "What do you mean, Brittany?"

Brittany sighs, shrugging. Her eyes look sad, just like they do all the other times. "Well like San says that Q is totally a pressed lemon, which doesn't really make sense to me because why would a lemon be pressed? Wouldn't it take all the juice out of it? And then it totally wouldn't be all lemony?" Rachel by now is blankly staring at the other girl while Brittany tries to clean her shirt. "But, um don't tell Q this because I don't think she knows okay, but San says Q is just really bad at dealing with her feelings and she'll do this weird thing where she acts mean instead of just letting things make her happy and smiley."

Rachel is completely thrown. "And...and Quinn is acting mean because...what could be making Quinn happy?"

Brittany eyes her like she's the dumbest person in the world. And _that_ look coming from _Brittany_...

The bell shrieks, signaling that they're about to be late to homeroom. Brittany tosses the paper towels in the trash and says brightly, "I gotta go Rach, sorry! Bye!"

Rachel stands there for a good five minutes. Her clothes are stained and she had stopped bringing extras, so she's not sure she wants to continue the school day anyway. But then again, going home would cause her dads to heavily question her and probably complain to the school.

But wait, wait, wait a minute. Quinn is a pressed lemon? What in God's name even _is_ that? And what does Santana know about it? Rachel knew the Latina was more observant and smart than she gave her credit for, she just knew it.

She stares at herself in the mirror and lets the tears pool at the corners of her eyes. She's very confused; she knows she embarrassed Quinn, knows that the blonde was afraid that Santana would catch on to them. But still, had she done something bad enough to earn a shower of slushies like that? She doesn't think so.

It hurts more than she wants it to that Quinn can just go back to treating her like nothing after the things they've done together. After the things she's let Quinn do.

She rubs furiously at the tears threatening to fall and takes a deep breath. Then she strolls out of the bathroom with her game face on.

* * *

When Rachel gets home she immediately tries to elude her dads, to no avail. Leroy and Hiram are in the family room watching some documentary on musicals that Rachel would normally be very interested in. However at the moment, her focus is on getting upstairs as quickly as possible.

"What happened to your clothes, sweetheart?" Hiram asks as he begins to stand up and come over to her. Rachel attempts to cover her blouse with her books.

"Nothing," she murmurs, ducking behind a curtain of hair nervously.

He gently tugs the books out of the way and gasps at the stain of swirled colors. "You...you're getting slushied again babygirl?"

"It's fine, Daddy."

Leroy rises and comes to stand by her as well. "Who-"

"Nobody, Dad. Can I please just go upstairs?"

"I want names, Rachel!" She jumps at her daddy's loud, stern tone. He never gets like this unless he's very serious. "We are notifying the school about this! You can't let this continue."

"Hiram..." her Dad says quietly.

"No! This has to end. Who is it Rachel?"

She would never tell them it was Quinn. They don't know who in particular orders the slushies, just that it's mostly cheerleaders and jocks.

"If it happens again I will take it up with the principal myself." She stares pleadingly up at them until she sees them both visibly relax. "You know I stand up for things I believe in and myself when it's needed." This is mostly true, except she's not actually sure if she'll ever be able to stand up to Quinn, and this frightens her. "Can I please go upstairs? I'd just like to be alone for a little while."

She smiles tightly and doesn't wait for an answer before she trudges upstairs and immediately strips and heads for her bathroom to take a shower. It's her primary thinking spot.

The look in Quinn's eyes after the slushy attack...Rachel _gets _that she's afraid. Hell, she herself is afraid. But she would never act so horribly in response to her fear.

There's a small part of her (okay maybe it's pretty big, gigantic even), that finds it hard to overlook how sexy Quinn had looked with that determined, angry look. HBIC Quinn always does it for her.

Which is why she isn't surprised in the least bit when her hand wanders down her body and she gets herself off on thoughts of Quinn's face and voice when she's like _that_.

When she's finished she sits primly on her bed and opens up her laptop, immediately going to Google to search whatever the hell a "pressed lemon" is. The first site that comes up is Urban Dictionary, and Rachel clicks on the link.

_A lemon that is pressed. Or more commonly a "repressed lesbian"._

Rachel feels her face flush and her mind races. Are they _that_ obvious?

Rachel hears a knock on her door and she jumps, slamming her laptop shut like she's doing something suspicious. Her dad peeks in and tilts his head at her, and she knows she must have a guilty or embarrassed look on her face. What is _wrong_ with her?

"I know you wanted to be left alone, sweetie, but there's someone at the door for you. I could tell her to leave, if you-"

Her heart rate speeds up. "Who?"

Her dad hums uncertainly. "I can't quite remember her name. Blonde, pretty, cheerleader?"

She doesn't know whether to grin or cry or punch herself in the face. Instead she gets up without saying a word, steps through the doorway and past her father, and slowly walks down the stairs. She feels her dad behind her and when they get to the landing at the end of the stairs, he squeezes her shoulder before moving back into the family room.

She stands in front of the door for about five minutes and when she moves to swing it open, she's almost certain Quinn will have left by now.

Nope. She's still here. In a red Cheerios sweatshirt and black sweatpants and hair in a ponytail and wide, nervous eyes, and a sheen to her skin that makes it look as if she's been slightly sweating.

They stare at each other for a long, long time.

"Sorry I'm gross," is what Quinn says. Her eyes find the ground and Rachel's never seen her like this. "I...um, I jogged here."

Quinn's eyes flit up to hers and Rachel doesn't respond, continuing to just watch her with a blank expression. She's not going to make it easy for Quinn. Not this time.

She hears the blonde heave a sigh before her eyes slide from the floor and up, landing somewhere to the left of Rachel's head. "Santana cornered me today at practice and...well, and said some things. Made me see some things as well." Her eyes drop to Rachel's for a split second. "She's a lot smarter than I thought she was."

Rachel hums her agreement but otherwise stays silent.

Quinn's face takes on a pained expression as if this physically hurts her to say. "I'm...sorry." Her voice quiets and her jaw clenches and all Rachel can think is:

_Finally_.

"I'm sorry for the slushy today, and for all the ones that have come before it. I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am." Her eyes are now piercing Rachel's own and the brunette has to ignore the urge to pinch herself and see if she's dreaming. Is Quinn really _apologizing_ right now? "But you have to understand...I..." Quinn's voice cracks and in that moment Rachel wishes she could hold her. "I don't understand what I'm feeling. No, I do but I'm...scared. Okay, Rachel? I admit it. I'm so _fucking_ scared. I want you to please know that I don't hate you. I could never hate you. And that's so frightening to me because I want to hate you. And I don't even know why."

Against her better judgment, Rachel reaches out and hesitantly takes one of Quinn's hands in her own. She wants to remain strong, wants to seem cold and uncaring like Quinn has all this time. But she's Rachel Berry.

Quinn squeezes her hand tightly and angrily wipes away the tears forming in the corner of her eye. "I'll never slushy you again, Rachel, and I'll do my best to make sure no one else does either. I want to promise you that. Santana will help if I ask her to and...I'm so scared that she knows about this, about us, or at least is able to guess. It's not because it's you. It's because...it's because of my stupid insecurities and my fucked up family and everything I was taught since I was a little girl. I didn't want anyone to find out that I..._care_ about you. And you don't deserve that."

Quinn stares at the ground for a long time and then her eyes snap back to Rachel's, intense and sincere and brave. "You deserve someone that is proud to have you each and every day, Rachel. And I want to be that for you but I don't know how."

Rachel runs her thumb soothingly across Quinn's hand and gently says, "I want you to be that too Quinn, but right now I don't think either of us knows how."

The confession is quiet and heartbreaking. "I don't want to lose you."

**Sorry it's a little short. Please review and tell what you guys think! Is it moving too fast? Is Rachel too forgiving? Do you want some of the story in Quinn's perspective? Maybe flashbacks of her childhood or a flashback of the conversation with Santana? Pleaaaase tell me your thoughts and what you like/dislike!**

**Oh & P.S. go Google "pressed lemon" and click on Urban Dictionary, and read the first two descriptions. I bet you will LOL. I literally thought it was so funny considering the circumstances, I mean really, what a coincidence!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I have work tomorrow morning and I'm missing out on sleep time to get this up so BE GRATEFUL jk I know it's been a while and I'm slacking so I wanted to get this out there ASAP. Sorry for any mistakes.**

**Please review and tell me how y'all are feeling about it so far. I've hit sort of a block of sorts. That's why this chap took so long. Not much in plot development I suppose but we're getting there. Enjoy and wish me luck at not being tired and grumpy tomorrow :/ (I am no matter how much sleep I get so it's not your guys' fault so don't feel bad. oh you didn't feel bad anyways? ooh awkward)**

It's hard for Rachel to sleep that night after Quinn leaves. As she lies in bed and tries to fall asleep there's one wish pounding through her head, and it's that she wishes Quinn was there to hold her.

She's both embarrassed and unsurprised that she wishes this.

It's with very little enthusiasm that she drags herself to school in the morning. Normally, Rachel's a girl that looks forward to school; she enjoys the extracurricular activities it provides and she enjoys being able to showcase her knowledge and talents (even though she knows everyone thinks she's a show off).

But today, her conversation with Quinn continuously rings throughout her mind over and over. Feelings of helplessness are beginning to consume her and she isn't sure what to do, where she and Quinn go from here. Rachel _hates_ being unsure of anything.

At school she sees Finn standing at his and joking around with some of his football friends, and she completely bypasses him to go to her own locker. Usually they meet up. Usually they share a good morning kiss. Usually Rachel is eager to see him because it's a reminder that maybe she's not so insufferable to everyone in her life.

She's hardly in the mood to talk to him or even look at him today. She hasn't felt this confused and grumpy in a long time.

Rachel hears someone approaching and at first just thinks it's Finn. She's almost scared to death when it's abruptly Santana that she turns to face.

"Hey midget," drawls Santana almost as if she's bored, leaning against the locker next to Rachel and locking eyes with the shorter brunette. She cuts straight to the chase. "How are things with Quinn?"

Rachel is so panicky about not implicating Quinn or herself in anything Santana isn't aware of, so she can't really be to blame when the hurried "Who's Quinn?" slips out of her mouth in a way to immediately deny anything and everything.

Santana's dark, exotic eyes widen in apparent surprise before her expression smooths over and she regards Rachel with slight curiosity. "Did you talk last night? Look, I don't know what all is…going on between you two. I don't know what _has_ been going on, I don't know what _will_ be going on, and I don't really _want_ to know." She stepped closer. "Don't let her _run_ from this, Rachel."

Santana _never _calls her Rachel.

She opens her mouth to question Santana further until she hears _that_ voice slide over her senses like velvet. Her cheeks flush and she internally shivers. That _voice_.

"Hey, Santana…Rachel."

Their eyes lock immediately once Rachel glances up. She vaguely hears Santana excuse herself before Quinn begins talking again.

"Good morning, Rachel."

Rachel nods. No words are coming out of her mouth. God, Quinn's eyes are distracting. What is "morning"?

Quinn seems to notice the trance Rachel is in and she blushes slightly, ducking her head before looking back up.

"Um I gotta get going," she gestures down the hall awkwardly with a tilt of her head. Rachel makes herself snap out of it so she can nod in agreement. That's all she can do apparently. Nod. "Um…but…" Quinn steps closer and Rachel is forced to tilt her head at a more extreme angle to see the taller girl. Quinn takes a subtle glance around before reaching forward and squeezing Rachel's arm.

In a small part in the back of her mind it hurts the brunette's feelings that Quinn has to evaluate her surroundings before even touching her. But she can't fault the blonde for that; she's _trying _and it's only the first day.

"I miss you."

They had just spoken with each other last night, but she _knows _what Quinn means. Starting last night a distinct change in their relationship was made; nothing will be the same anymore. Rachel softly agrees and Quinn squeezes her shoulder, holding her gaze for a long moment before giving her a half smile and dropping her hand.

Rachel turns discretely to watch as Quinn continues down the hall. She notices how everyone else in the hallway is doing the same thing that she's doing; trying to subtly watch the blonde as she sidles up to a blonde boy…_Sam Evans_ Rachel recognizes, though they've never spoken; she's Rachel Berry and obviously keeps tabs on pretty much everyone at McKinley.

Sam shuts his locker door and turns to face Quinn, who Rachel can see duck her head in that small way of hers. She can't see the front of Quinn, but she sees Sam smile at her animatedly (with his _wide ass mouth_, thinks Rachel) before slipping his arm around her shoulders and walking down the hall with her. Rachel hears everyone else in the hallway talk in hushed conversations as they observe the blonde pair, but she blocks them all out and zeroes in on the pair alone.

Zeroes in on the arm Quinn slips around Sam's waist and the tilt of her head as she looks up at him and grins.

Rachel doesn't know if it's pathetic, her calling Quinn two times when she gets home from school and another three after dinner, and leaving a voicemail each time. She feels almost frantic and desperate when she thinks about Quinn and _Sam. Sam _who has a mouth so disproportionate to the rest of his face, _Sam_ who isn't in Glee club like Quinn and wouldn't have that in common with her, _Sam_ who looks so much like Quinn's twin brother that kissing him would probably remind Quinn of her father or something, _Sam_ who is a boy, _Sam_ who…

Sam who is _not_ Rachel.

It isn't until nine, when Rachel is in the middle of her night time routine, that her phone rings.

She dives for where it's resting on the bed, then waits for a few rings like she hadn't and is actually taking her sweet time to get to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Rachel. You called?" Quinn asks in that quiet, breathy voice of hers. The tired way she speaks makes Rachel imagine the blonde is probably getting ready for bed.

She immediately forces her mind in a different direction. The idea of Quinn going to bed makes her mind travel in _other _directions.

"Um…yeah I called…"

Quinn husks a laugh. "And called. And called. _And_ left voicemails."

The diva blushes. "Yeah…sorry about that."

"No, I'm sorry." Rachel hears rustling on the other end. "Sorry I'm getting into bed. But I'm sorry I couldn't take your calls. I was out and I left my phone at home."

She really, really, really wants to ask where Quinn was. But they're not in a relationship. They're not even friends with benefits, now. Hell, they're barely even _friends._

It's startling to Rachel how much it hurts to think that Quinn could have been out with Sam. Her brain tries to remind her; Quinn isn't _hers_. Quinn is free to date whoever she wants, do whatever she wants, go wherever she wants. Rachel is technically dating Finn, and her and Quinn broke off their "relationship" or whatever it was, and Rachel should be _fine_.

But her heart tries to remind her of the look in Quinn's eyes when she said that she _cared _about Rachel, the soft way she touched her when they had sex no matter how cruel and biting her words were, Quinn's hand on her shoulder in the hallway, the stupid way Rachel wanted to cry when she saw that _stupid_ boy put his _stupid_ arm around Quinn…

"Rach?"

"Oh, sorry, I…um, I didn't really have anything to say I just wanted…to talk to you."

Quinn yawns. "Oh, okay. Are you up for talking, still? I am really, really sorry, I…I was at the movies with Sam and I'm an _idiot_ for forgetting my phone, and…"

Rachel feels her heart plummet and she wonders if Quinn knows how _callous_ she's being right now, how she's making Rachel feel.

"You and Sam," Rachel interrupts. "Y-you…and Sam?"

Quinn is silent for a long moment. "He asked me out and…there was no reason for me to say no. It's not…we're not…he's not my boyfriend. We just hung out tonight, as friends."

"Yeah it seemed pretty _friendly_ today in the hallway when he had his arm around you." She feels _angry_, and she wants Quinn to know. She doesn't want to be scared to confront her. Half of her is saying she has no right to be mad, and the other half is reasoning that she has all the right in the world.

"He's a nice guy, Rachel. I wasn't going to blow him off. You and I aren't-"

"Yeah, you're right. We _aren't. _We aren't anything anymore, apparently."

Quinn's voice grows stronger, more awake. "That's not what I'm _saying, _Rachel-"

"I have to go. I don't really feel like talking anymore."

She stays on the line a few seconds more, just to hear Quinn plead for her to stay. The blonde is still calling her name when she hangs up the phone and turns it off, resisting the urge to throw it at a wall or a mirror or _something_, so that she's not the only thing breaking right now.

Rachel wishes she had someone to talk to, but who is she going to go cry to, Finn? She considers it briefly and almost immediately is disappointed with herself for thinking of such a _dumb_ idea.

Instead she crawls under the covers and hugs a pillow to her chest and stares blankly at her ceiling. She feels the urge to cry, but she doesn't. She rolls to her side and waits for the tears. They're stubborn, and don't come. What do come are the things that come every night; the memories of Quinn. The way the blonde had pressed Rachel's head into this very pillow as Rachel got so close to orgasm, the way she had slammed Rachel's bedroom door closed in her hastiness to get to the bed, the way she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair that one time when she stayed for longer than five minutes afterwards.

The tears don't come, but inside Rachel is confused and hurt and crying.

She might not go to school tomorrow, she thinks.

**Soooo I'm thinking Sam might be around for a while. So uh, review plz, ya know the deal**


End file.
